10.03.04

"For the past few years, my world has been largely devoid of men and relationships, long-distance or otherwise. It had been years and years and years since I'd stepped my digital foot into a chat room, but about a year ago I did. After months of superficial whipsmartassery, I found myself spending more and more quality conversation time with one of the room regulars.

After a few more months of gettingtoknoweachotherness, wow, I tumbled and fell for him. But, to quote you, I just picked the wrong man and then wanted something from him that he was incapable of giving me. He was very young (er, he still is very young)... and I probably should have known better, but... well... sometimes I don't.

In summary, it's important to note that those relationships in which I invested myself the most, those into which I fell deeply and completely, were long distance relationships. Lots of email, lots of instant messaging, lots of phone talk, but very little face-to-face time.

And we know, because we are the kind of people who appreciate the value of the written word, and the time and energy it takes to communicate in this medium, we know this is no small thing, the long distance digital relationship. But we also know, because we are capable of diving in way down deep and parsing out the details that comprise the flesh that makes these relationships whole and real and true... we know there is something missing from the stories I have to tell about the men that I have loved.

I've had lots of beginnings and lots of endings. It's the middle that is so terribly elusive. How to make the middle... make it deep and wide and forevermore... that, for me, has always been and continues to be the challenge."

_________________________________________

back | forth | archive | contact | diaryland